an imaginary rabbit and the love of a kitten

When I was 12 years old my parents decided they wanted to move from the hustle and bustle of London Town to the quiet countryside of Devon. As you can imagine, I was not best pleased at the time - I had only ever been to Devon on holidays to visit family, and that was quite enough for me, thank you very much - I was born a city girl and that was how I wanted to stay. As an almost-teenager, living in London was exciting, lively and promising, whereas the prospect of living in the desolate, dull county of Devon, which was so far away from the energetic flurry of activity in the capital, did not exactly fill me with enthusiasm.

My parents got over this little blip by promising me that I could have a pet rabbit when we moved house. My view of the impending change in circumstances altered almost instantly. I had always wanted a rabbit, but a small, 3rd floor flat with a miniature balcony but no garden were not exactly the most favourable conditions in which to keep a rabbit. With the assurance from my parents that we would be moving to a house with a garden, I began forming a picture of my 'ideal' rabbit. I had a book when I was little called 'Leo the Lop' which was about a beautiful chocolate-brown lop-eared rabbit, so I naturally decided I wanted my rabbit to be chocolate-brown and lop-eared, but instead of a boy like Leo, I wanted a girl rabbit and I was going to name her Sofia. Yep, like the capital of Bulgaria.

In the end it was actually pretty exciting to be moving to a new house, although it was also scary with having to start a new school and everything, but I was far too busy worrying about it all to remember about Sofia. Plus, I had become quite a tomboy during that period and a rabbit simply wouldn't fit in with my new image (instead of a rabbit, I got a basketball hoop for the yard outside).

I didn't give a lot of thought to her over the new few years, until I was about 17. I had mentioned the story of Sofia to my boyfriend at the time, and he promised he would get me a rabbit for my 18th birthday. He didn't, he got me an engagement ring. I guess that's a bit better, though I have to admit I was a little disappointed.

I don't know if it would have been different if I had had a rabbit when I was younger, but now I have a kitten to look after my life feels much fuller. She's a little life that I have to look after, play with, entertain, feed and love. Having not had a pet before (other than a fish called Jeffrey - he was awesome), I didn't realise just how much responsibility comes with having one. I knew there would be work involved with training and everything, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know how emotionally hard it would be sometimes. I worry about her almost constantly when I am at work and she's on her own in the flat, though I bet she has a great time in my studio playing with scraps of paper and generally being mischievous, doing all sorts of cheeky things I wouldn't normally let her do when I'm at home. I worry about her when it's 5am and she hasn't come to snuggle me like she always does at that time, instead of thinking "she's probably just asleep" like any normal person would.

When I was unwell a couple of weeks ago, I learned that the feelings I have for her seem to be reciprocated: it was obvious that she knew something was wrong with me, and she followed me like a shadow for days after I came back from hospital, as though she had made it her job to guard me in case something else happened. She brought me her toys while I was in bed, nuzzled me when it was obvious I was in pain, spent every night pressed tightly close to me, and instinctively knew not to jump on my chest like she tends to do in the mornings. I know some people don't believe that pets can be intuitive like that, but I honestly believe they can after the treatment I have received from Yoyo during the emotion rollercoaster of the last couple of weeks. I can't imagine what life would be like without her , or even what it was like in the house before she arrived. I have never felt the same kind of love as I do towards her, it's more than just love, it's total, absolute, pure love. She keeps me sane and calms me down when I'm anxious or upset. We really do look after each other.

I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when I have kids, if this is how I feel about a kitten...