self-employment update: week 4

Everything has been a bit overwhelming this week.

I've spent years wanting to be self-employed, be my own boss, be in control of how I spend my time and grow my little business to something I can be proud of, but these 4 weeks of self-employment have been the busiest and most stressful 4 weeks of my life. My previous most stressful life experiences - writing my final dissertation, preparing for my final degree show, the opening night of my first ever solo gallery exhibition - were nowhere near this stressful.

Don't get me wrong - it is stressful, but it's mostly the good kind of stress... the kind of stress that makes you uber motivated and work super hard, even if it does mean a bunch of last-minute emergency trips to the local craft store for varnish, or forgetting to eat all day.

I've had more opportunities and exciting conversations/emails in these last 4 weeks than I ever have before (some of which are not yet finalised, so I won't share just yet!), and it's kept me 14-hours-a-day busy. I've lost count of the number of paper bows, origami cranes and hot air balloons I've made, but it's been a lot.

All this creating has been great, but there have been a few bad points too: my hands are covered in glue gun burns, I've accidentally eaten a bunch of glitter (no joke!) and my poor back is very unhappy about sitting in my desk chair all day (it's a pretty chair, but I doubt it was designed to be sat in for 12 hours a day), but it's been an incredible month and totally worth it - I just hope I can have a tiny bit of a rest next week, else I'm worried I'll totally burn out.

Overall, I'm feeling much happier and more confident in myself and my abilities (plus people seem to like what I make too, that always helps!) and having this chance to spend my time doing the things I love on my own terms is just awesome, and I still don't quite fully believe that I'm able to do it.

Being self-employed is hard work, stressful, exhausting, frustrating,  and sometimes a little lonely, but ultimately it's super exciting and I am loving it so far.

yellow seahorses in a dreamy violet lagoon

Last Friday I witnessed a pretty horrible incident at work with an abusive and threatening colleague. Not nice, especially in my last week of working there, but hey. I'm out of there now (last day was yesterday) and off to big up my creative business (after a week or two off - I'm exhausted!)

The evening of the incident I saw my massage therapist and I was pretty shaken, but she calmed me down by making me think of yellow. Yep, she's just that good that it managed to make me calm down almost immediately. Clever Charlotte!

One would generally assume that telling someone to think about yellow might make them imagine a sunshiney day or some pretty flowers maybe, but when I was told to surround myself in yellow I could think of nothing but seahorses. Not only could I think of nothing but seahorses, but they were in a beautiful purple lagoon, naturally!

For almost an hour I imagined them swimming about having a jolly old time, and by the end of the session I was more relaxed than I have been for months. Good ol' seahorses make everything better!

{yellow seahorses in a violet lagoon}

life is too short

image via Nay Nay Blog

So I only have a day left at my job.
And I don't have another one lined up for after the school holidays.

I know, I know, I'm crazy for quitting any job when the economic situation is so bad and unemployment is so high. Trust me, I've heard it all, but I just had to escape. I appreciate that in many ways I was lucky to even have a job, but this way it's like I've given someone else a chance to have a job - someone who will probably like it more than I did.

I've been a pretty sensible bear and I've been saving up my pennies for the last 6 months, so I should have a financial cushion of about 5 or 6 months' worth of mortgage/bills/food/Yoyo stuff but alas, no extra moolah for glitter or stickers or pretty bits of sparkle.

Luckily, my studio is bursting full of awesome bits of tat that I've not yet made use of, so perhaps this will give me an opportunity to use what I already have and finally stop the rapid accumulation of tinsel, glitz and unnecessary gaudiness. Plus this could also help in making my studio more of a useable room rather than it's current state: that of a craft swamp.

And if I get really desperate, I can always ask for sequins for my birthday or something, right?

~~~

Do you think this is an exciting development, or like pretty much everyone else, do you think it is foolish and naive of me to take such a leap of faith at such an uncertain time without any real plans of what I'm seriously going to do, with only determination, passion and the will to succeed on my side???

on pushing the boundaries of the work dress code

{source}

I'm pretty much almost a grown-up now. I have a cat. I have a sensible job in a high school Maths department. I'm just about to move into a sensible house, which will be furnished pretty sensibly. And yet I still find it really difficult to dress sensibly for work.

For a couple of months when I first started it was all very formal: I would wear knee-length skirts with crisp blouses, and smart jumpers when it was cold. Over the last three years this has gradually changed - certainly for the better - and lately I've started wearing pretty much anything I like in a (very quiet) attempt to push the boundaries. It is fascinating to see just how much I can get away with, and it certainly makes work more fun...

Glitter and sparkles? Sure! 

Green jeans? That's fine! 

Pink converses instead of "proper" shoes? No worries!

T-shirts with kittens on? Why not?

Hair in various plaited styles? Go for it! 

Dinosaur hoodie with spikes on the back? Excellent choice!

Since my role in school is both formal and informal, requires me to be both a responsible adult and someone the kids can talk to about "issues", it makes the whole area rather grey. I guess there's no real set-in-stone rules about what I can and can't wear - and thankfully nothing of the sort is mentioned in my contract. No-one has ever said anything about my appearance at work, and as long as I'm not too silly about it I doubt it'll be a problem. In fact, the only times I have ever had a reaction were when I have been dressed sensibly: Shift dress? Heeled shoes? What's wrong with you, Vix? Why are you dressed so properly?

My glittery cardigans, neon shoes, outrageous colour-combinations and Scandinavian-inspired hairstyles are a constant source of amusement for my colleagues - and I wouldn't think of bringing an end to their enjoyment - but things have got a bit samey now and I've run out of ideas... any suggestions?

{spiky shoes} {crazy eyes} {flamingo glasses}

{80's} {peacock feather tights} {gorgeous peacock shoes}

{amazing gold shoes} {incredible dress} {I love Peter Andre}

How do you dress for work?

Do you have a dress code?

a little life update + my friends rock

Please forgive me for having been a quiet bear lately, I have just had pretty much the worst week of my entire working life so I've not been in a very good "place".

The rubbishness of the week reached boiling point on Friday when I was yelled at by my boss in the most aggressive and unprofessional manner I have ever experienced, and in front of the children with whom I work. It was horrible and shocking and I felt so threatened that I spent the rest of the day in such an upset and angry state that I could do nothing but sit in the loos and cry. Yeah, it sounds stupid to write it down, but you know that feeling when you're just so cross and so shocked and so hurt that you can't stop yourself from crying no matter how hard you try? That lasted nearly the whole day. I felt like a naughty child who had been severely scolded for no reason, and that's not a great way to feel in your working environment.

For the last year or so I have felt wholly unsupported and undermined in my work place, and I have been saying for months and months that I wanted to leave, without ever actually doing so. I've finally had enough so I spent yesterday morning looking for new jobs. The economic climate is still sucky and there aren't a great deal of things out there, but over the years my CV has positively flourished, so I am hoping that that (along with my charm and wit, natch) will be enough to set me apart from other applicants. We'll see. And if it isn't good enough to get me a job, then at least I have enough in the bank to survive a couple of months of unemployment.

It's quite a weight lifted to finally make a decision: I have felt so pressured and burdened with stress and frustration in this job that it is quite a relief to think I won't be doing it all that much longer. Sure, I'll miss the kids, of course, but I can't let my love for them keep me in a job that is making me this unwell and unhappy, it won't do any of us any good in the long run.

Phew, it's good to get all that out of my system.

Since Friday was so appallingly awful I was very kindly treated to breakfast by Jms at a lovely little cafe on Saturday morning, and over breakfast I decided I would join a gym - I could do with being stronger, both physically and mentally, and more resilient to stuff that is thrown at me - plus I get to kick things and pretend I'm kicking my colleagues. Now that sounds like good stress relief.

I went to the gym straight after breakfast and after my induction I spent the rest of the day with my BBF (left in the pic), before meeting up with Claire for a girly dinner out. It was exactly the day I needed after the hellish week I'd had, and I'm feeling a lot more positive now. Well done ladies, you rock my socks!