Doppelganger zine - call for entries

My my, Miss Franipeg has been a busy bear!

Ever since our first conversation about zines she's been working on a new idea for a cool artists' book, called Doppelganger. It started off with my comment "wouldn't it be cool to do an Exquisite Corpse type thing as a zine..." and from that she built an extraordinarily more awesome idea...

This here be her call for entries to the book - you can see the full deets here.

The gunslinger shown in the pic (but is he a ghost? You'll have to wait and seeeeeeee!) is Fran's own entry for the book, which I think is a superb start.

The entry I am proposing will be totally different, but that's part of the fun - to see how people react to/adapt the initial brief. Mine will probably include a unicorn... Or perhaps a ghost-icorn... who knows!

If you'd like to contribute some artwork, and have your illustration bound into a neat book and sold at conventions around the country (excellent publicity, methinks) then go have a look at the Doppelganger FB page and Doppelganger blog.

I'll update when I've decided on my final illustration for the book... ooh, exciting!

get well soon lemur card

James's little niece broke her arm doing gymnastics last week,

so I made her a get well soon card with a ring-tailed lemur on it... 

I hope she likes it!

must have: an inflatable Stonehenge adventure!

You might not have heard the name Jeremy Deller, but you may well have heard of his most recent project. In April, the Turner Prize winning artist constructed a life-size inflatable Stonehenge in Glasgow.

Yep, it's just like Stonehenge but in bouncy castle form! Bouncy Stonehenge, or Sacrilege to give it it's proper name, is currently in London for the London 2012 Festival, and will be travelling around the rest of the country until the last day of the Paralympics on 9th September.

Once you've had your Stonehenge bounce, you can print yourself off a certificate of participation from the website, and even an emergency beard to wear, if such a thing is necessary.

If you're hoping to visit, the remaining tour dates are below:

1 August – Hampstead Heath, London
31 July - Ravenscourt Park, London
1 August - Hampstead Heath, London
2 August – Clapham Common, London
4 August – Southwark, London
5 August – Hillingdon, London
7 August – Newham, London
9 August – Crystal Palace, London
10 August – Alexandra Palace, London
11 August – Christchurch Green, London
12 August – Lee Valley Park, London
18 August – College Green, Bristol
26 August – Belfast
9 September - Preston

I'm planning on visiting on 1st August at Hampstead Heath, and maybe even again on 10th at Ally Pally - so if any of you are about, come join me!

The 21 Challenge

I just read about the 21 Challenge on the Frankie Magazine blog - it's a 21 day challenge where people are offering to give up something, try something new, or make a fool of themselves every day from 1st until the 21st June to raise money for Open Family Australia, who work with homeless and vulnerable youth.

I know that I'm not actually Australian, but if I could choose to be from anywhere I'd totally choose Australian. There's just something so homely about Australians - and I've never met one that I didn't like. Plus their accent is my favourite in all the world.

For those reasons, plus plenty of others, I've decided to sign up to do it. Rather than challenging myself to crimp my hair every day, wear hand-knitted jumpers or eat only round things for three weeks, I'm planning on something more creative and Vixie-suited: making a tiny piece of art every day for 21 days - which I will then (attempt to) sell on here or in my Etsy shop to raise sponsorship money. Or, if you would like to sponsor me directly on the site, email me to let me know and I'll send you your very own surprise piece of art to say thank you!

I'll be posting about it here every time I make something new, so keep your eyes peeled for goodies! If you have any ideas for things you would like me to paint/draw then feel free to offer your suggestions!

You can read more about the 21 Challenge here,

and you can see my profile here, woo!

beep boop robot painting

I was asked about a month ago to paint something for my friend Toby's wife's birthday. The theme was robots and my instructions were:

• cute but not too girly
• she likes monkeys
• can one of the robots be saying 'beep boop'?

I'm not sure if Toby knew this or not, but I've never painted a picture bigger than about 6 inches square, so this was quite a challenge - the painting is A2 size, which is bloody big when you're used to making tiny, tiny fiddly things. I also had to change my drawing style - since the canvas was so big I couldn't do the tiny drawings I would normally do. I guess I could've filled the painting with hundreds of tiny pictures, but that would take f.o.r.e.v.e.r and also probably wouldn't be what he wanted.

It was harder than I actually thought it would be though, I'm not very good at not drawing tiny things - I mean, I can draw from life pretty well, as long as the paper isn't too big, but this needed to be cartoon-ish in style, and cute and colourful, and that's just not what I'm used to.

Unlike a normal "commission", I didn't actually ask much about what he wanted, and he trusted me enough to just do what I thought he'd like. It was a bit of an unusual arrangement, but when I sent him a photo of it a couple of hours ago he said it was exactly what he had wanted, so either he knows how my brain works better than I do, or he's pretending to like it, or I'm a psychic genius... let's go with the latter, I think.

Don't tell him, but I only actually started it last night. Talk about leaving things to the last minute. I was planning to start it about a week ago (which is still pretty naughty since I drew the original design a month ago, not that the final thing turned out anything like the original design!) but with craft fair crapiness last weekend and then the explodey head pain last week, I just kept putting it off...

Yoyo helping every step of the way!

...but I don't think it's too bad, and I'm pretty sure I stuck to the brief.

Her birthday party is tonight - I hope she likes it!

flash cards as wall art

Although my hallway still has no colour on it (and don't think I've not been thinking about it!) - I've decided exactly how it's going to be decorated... I recently came across these amazing prints of collective nouns for animals from Woop Studios...

     

     

     

{A} {O} {R} {S} {U} {X}

...and although I would love to have enough honk to afford a print of each letter of the alphabet, at £79 a pop I just don't think that's a possibility.

While perusing the shelves of Magma the other day, however, I came across a set of flash cards of these same illustrations - hurrah, no need to spend £2054 on all the prints - the flash cards are just as lovely, though a much smaller and cheaper alternative, and this way I get to have all 26 letters of the alphabet illustrated on my walls, rather than just the few I super duper like.

All together I imagine they will take up the entire length of the hallway - and I reckon they will look amazing! If you have a nice big space, why not buy one of their awesome posters like this one or this one.

What do you think of the idea? Awesome sauce or ever-so-slightly ridiculous?

art vs science: a beautiful mash-up

When I was about 3 and a half I fell off a climbing frame and fractured my wrist. I don't remember all that much about it, but I do remember having x-rays and having to have a cast on for weeks. I next had an x-ray in my first year of university, when I had a bunch of x-rays done of my teeth, and the most recent time was in March when I was given a chest x-ray after a horrendous anxiety attack.

So all in all there are a fair few of x-rays of various bits of me in my medical records. Of course, I have never seen them, and had never really thought about them until I saw the work of Matthew Cox, who makes strangely beautiful embroideries on top of x-rays and MRI scans.

{necklace with bouquet} 

{wading knees}

{skull MRI}

{underwire bra with tulips}

{feet}

{waterproof watches} 

There is an odd beauty in the delicate embroidery against the crisp harshness of the black and white image of the x-ray. I also like the technical aspect of the x-ray vs. the creative aspect of the embroidery - science meets art, and together they become something astoundingly beautiful.

That's just my opinion though. What do you think about them?

see more of Matthew's embroidered x-rays here and here

and more of his embroidered MRIs here

the old school video game art show

There must be a great many reasons to visit California, not least the fact that my best bud James lives there with his lovely wife Jen (much to the frustration of poor Breakfast Club), but it would also be nice to visit the awesome-looking Gallery 1988 in Santa Monica. The current show in Gallery 1988 Venice is called The Old School Video Game Art Show and it looks amazing!

If you happen to be in California between now and 8th October, why not head over there and let me know what it's like!?

If you're not fortunate enough to be able to go in person, you can see all of the artworks in the show here. Some of my favourites are....

“Forget-me-not” by Andrew DeGraff

“Fruit Attack” by Aya Kakeda

“Clash of the 8-bit Titans” by Chris Tezber

“Work To Do” by Drake Brodhal

"Skeletor" by Chito Arellano aka KwestOne

“Pew! Pew!” by Michelle Legendre

"Zelda Endures” by N.C. Winters

“Faction” by Samuel Ho

which are your favourites?

the museum of broken relationships

When I first heard about the Museum of Broken Relationships I knew it would be the kind of thing I had to go and see. It's not that I enjoy sharing other peoples' heartbreak, I just think it's an interesting concept for a travelling museum. Well, that and it sounded like the kind of thing I could get really pretentious about - I do so love discussing art shows in a bitterly ironic way. Damn those three years at art school - they've ruined my genuine enjoyment of art!

In each city where the exhibition is shown, the museum puts out a "call for donations" - an opportunity for the heartbroken to get rid of items that hold memories of a failed relationship. The objects are displayed alongside their stories, including information like dates and length of the relationship, and while some are just a few lines of poetic text, some are long tales of a love affair that was never to be. With a mix of poignant, beautiful and tragic stories, the exhibition is a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. I saw at least two people crying.

As you would expect, some objects are paired with sagas of great loss, some with tragic stories of young love, but some of the objects and stories have a slightly creepier, darker side to them. The main space in which the exhibition is held is dark and warm, with the objects displayed all around you - most on fabric-covered lit-up boxes but some are hanging from the ceiling above you, which just adds to the odd atmosphere. It's not an uncomfortable feeling exactly, but somehow you feel as though you shouldn't really be seeing this stuff and, of course, it's the most personal stories that create the weird sense of voyeurism.

Sharing the space with these objects and their stories are a series of large, intricate hand-cut papercuts by Alice Bray. The combination is very effective - the delicateness and fragility of the paper creations complements the delicateness and fragility of human emotion.

It's incredibly profound that despite the range of items, from the mundane to the lavish to the ludicrous to the plain odd, despite the lengths of the relationships, despite the country of origin, despite the value of the objects, they all manage to represent such similar personal stories and remnants of a broken relationship.

The Museum was originally created in Croatia by Olinka Vištica and Dražen Grubiši, and although it has a permanent home in Zagreb, has travelled all over the world.

This is the first time the exhibition has come to London and it is currently spread across two venues in Covent Garden - Tristan Bates Theatre and 38 Earlham Street.

The Museum of Broken Relationships is open until 4th September - for more information see the gallery info here.

Diana: Goddess of light leaks

I have owned my gorgeous Diana F+ for over a year now... and have finally bought some medium format film for her...

I originally bought her as a little gifty to myself, expecting to be able to perform a little wee hack and get her to take 35mm film as well (this was before I even knew there was a 35mm back*), but life got in the way and I completely forgot about her until I saw some lovely rolls of 120 just looking at me the other day, longing to be purchased. So I bought three of them.  Now that may only be 48 photos, but I reckon it'll be worth it. Plus they are square photos, and I love squares.

Diana is a plastic "novelty" camera (though I'm not sure she would appreciate being called that), and is known for her light leaks and dreamy blurred images, just look at this gallery of beauties.

I am so looking forward to taking her out on an adventure when the weather clears up a bit - alas the drizzly British summer has returned - and I'll let you know how my first attempt with her goes!

*I have just discovered that there is also a Diana instant back! {adds to wishlist}

pull up a (bejewelled) pew

A few years ago, while I was living it up artist-style in Hackney, I was invited to contribute some work to an art fair in a local gallery. The idea of the show, titled 'Now or Neverland', was that every participant went to the gallery 24 hours before the show opened and were allowed one or two found items to use as the basis of their piece. They then had 24 hours to make the piece and install it in location. The show was also given a theme: Rococo.

MANY ARTISTS. 1 SMALL SPACE. NO TIME TO WASTE. This second annual On The Fly Art Fair is born out of an open invitation to conceive, make, and display works of art within the span of 24 hours. Artists will be presented with a mystery set of compulsory gallery-issued booty the night before the exhibition is launched. They have been ordered to create works from the prizes of a Hackney hunt for discarded treasure, conducted by Ingrid Z, Dayvid Lott, Patrick Wolf and Jo Apps.

I know, I know... how on earth are you supposed to make something Rococo-themed - sumptuous, decadent, lavish, indulgent - with a bunch of random found items? Well that was the fun of it, and no one knew quite how it would turn out... Everyone had their own take on the theme: some came as the embodiment of Rococo wearing outfits made of rubbish and glitter, some made conceptual pieces which evolved as the night went on, including the Director of the gallery, Ingrid Z:

...and some people made smaller, only slightly extravagent items. I was one of those people.

The first thing that came to my mind when I thought about 'Rococo' was the style of chairs popular at the time (perhaps I had been hanging out with designers for too long?) so I decided to base my piece around that idea. The items I had been given were from a board game, of which I have never known the name, and consisted of lots of action cards and other playing cards with various scenarios on them.

I had to incorporate these into my chair idea, and, instead of making tiny chairs out of the cards, which perhaps I should have done thinking about it now, I made flat illustrated chair pieces using the cards and some old images of Rococo-style chairs, which were then adorned with glitter, diamante bits and sequins, and made into jewellery - brooches and pendants. I then developed the range (!) to include other pieces of Rococo furniture adorned with glitter. Having only 24 hours in which to make something exhibit-able within a certain theme was a great motivator - there was no chance to stop and think about it, you just had to get on with it.

One of the main reasons for choosing the idea was the fact that I hadn't often seen images of furniture in jewellery and I thought it'd be a pretty neat idea. Little did I know there are plenty of us chair jewellery fanatics out there...

1. toofashion2010 2. MiniaturesByNanette 3. missusfrenchie 4. sarathomas

5. spacepearls 6. kululush 7. bellehibou 8. laurabailliedesigns

9. YuraPockylover 10. violetbella 11. ramyap 12. janiecox

the quest for the aura

I recently came across a site called Fiverr, where people offer to do things for $5. It may sound a little dodgy, and some of the offers are a little ridiculous, but some of the offers looked pretty neat.

I found one 'gig' from a chap named Sam Cornwell, which promised an original piece of work-in-progress photographic art, using a method that he has personally developed. How could I resist that for just $5?

I received the print below in the post this morning. Do you think it was worth it?

I think it is simply splendid!

Sam has made a short video showing how the unique images are created, which you can see here, and you can purchase your own one-of-a-kind "photographic aura artwork" here.

Go do it!

I long for Arctic adventures

Hello I Love You by Julia Pott

I love you too, Mr Polar Bear.

I was thinking just the other day that I wanted to write a post about polar bears and how awesome they are, so I spent
hours
a little while looking at pretty pictures of them. Then I decided I wanted to write a post about ice cream, and how awesome it is...

...and then I found this splendid illustration:

The Polar Bear by Laura Manfre

...an utterly wonderful combination of two of my favourite things!

You can see more of Laura's lovely illustrations in her shop and her blog.

You can see more of Julia's lovely illustrations in her shop and her blog.

No doubt there will be more polar bears and ice cream to come in the future, I just couldn't resist sharing these!

happy belated birthday Neptune!

Yesterday was planet Neptune's first birthday, wooo!

It has been only one Neptunian year (164.79 Earth years) since ol' blue was first discovered on 23rd/24th September 1846 (let's not argue). It seems incredible that in all that time the planet has only travelled once around the sun. Being so far away from our firey friend, a mean distance of 4,504,300,000 km, it must be pretty darn cold there... I just checked Universe Today - the surface temperature of Neptune can get as low as -218 degrees Celcius. Blimey.

Not that I have been reading all about him today (you know I have, right?), but did you know that Neptune was discovered before it was actually ever observed? Astronomers had noticed irregularities in Uranus's orbit which could only be explained by the presence of another planet, so based on predictions made by the French mathematician Urbain Le Verrier, astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle and his assistant set out on a hunt to find the eighth planet, making Neptune the only planet to have been deliberately discovered - how ace is that?

Since poor Pluto is no longer a planet, Neptune is now the furthest planet in our solar system. I bet he wasn't at all happy about that. But then, I guess being that far away means fewer people to visit. In fact, the only earthly visitor has been the spacecraft Voyager 2 who flew past him for a few months in 1989.

If it weren't for the bitter coldness and the toxic atmosphere (mmm, methane-y), I imagine Neptune would be a sublimely beautiful place to visit. Having never been there I can't be sure, but I'd like to imagine it would look something like these exquisite illustrations by Callen Thompson:

Ice Mountains by Callen Thompson

Of course, Neptune is one of the gas giants, and his atmosphere is predominantly composed of hydrogen and helium (with some methane and ammonia for good measure) so he would probably be more similar to this:

Black Mountains by Callen Thompson

Either way he'd be pretty awe-inspiring.

artists vs designers

I was asked today, by a colleague at work, why I wasn't a graphic designer. To anyone who knows an art graduate, you will probably know what a (supposed) insult that is: everyone knows you don't mention designers around artists, or vice versa.

At university I refused to succumb to the mass peer pressure that we were all subjected to, and in return I would be sneered at with contempt by the art students for DARING to talk with a "designer", the word spat out as it was spoken, as though it was abhorrent. It was r.i.d.i.c.u.l.o.u.s and I simply couldn't win - I didn't get along with those pretentious art students, and although there were some awesome ones, they were few and far between. The designers were based in a different building on campus so we didn't see much of them around our studios, and when our paths did occasionally cross, I couldn't approach them as I knew they could tell I was an art student.

image source

There was frequent mockery of the designers by the painters while
pissing about
working in their painting studios, with terms like 'linear', 'geometric' and the names of various fonts being bandied about, always in derisive tones and mocking accents. I imagine the graphic designers probably had better things to do than rise to the bait or join in the squabble. They certainly seemed to have more work to do than us.

The thing with art is that you can do almost anything and claim that it means almost anything. It's bloody hard to come up with original ideas (rien de nouveau, darling) with nothing whatsoever to go on, and no starting point. I guess that's the challenge of an art degree, and it was a real challenge. Everything "original" or controversial that I ever attempted to do at uni was met with absolute horror by my tutors, and I was even asked to leave the course in my final year after a particularly "disturbing" piece of work. It really wasn't anything that bad, and I still don't get what all the fuss was about, but for my final year I didn't have a tutor as they all refused to work with me. What a great example to set the artists of the future. Pah. I thought the whole point of art school was to push the boundaries of taste and to be as controversial as you want while in a supportive, if critical, environment, before spreading your wings and flying out into the big art world? That kind of thing would never have happened on a Graphics course. But then, I suppose I would never have been in the position to make anything terribly controversial on a Graphics course.

*secret - confession - alert*

In a way I kinda wish I had taken Graphics instead of Fine Art: I like the idea of being given a specific brief, and having a certain time limit in which to complete a certain amount of work. In Fine Art we were largely left to our own devices and just told to get on with it. Most people only really did any work when there was a group critique coming up, and even then it was often hollow, contrived rubbish. Where's the structure? Where are the guidelines? Where are the tick lists?

These days I think of myself as a Fine Art-educated illustrator. I'm neither an "artist" nor a "designer" and since I imagine there will always be a rivalry between the two groups, surely that means I can ironically mock both of them, right? It is a pretty amusing game to play...

If you are an artist or designer I'd be interested to hear how you feel about the others? Are you an artist who secretly adores fonts? Are you a designer who longs to create something messy and pretentious? Come on people, confess!

Or are you neither and don't know what on earth all the fuss is about?!

being an artist + the return of breakfast club

I moved to London the year after graduating from art school (after having not lived in London for 10 long years) and found it very hard to settle into a rhythm of post-university art-making. I really needed a "proper" job that would give me enough money to pay my rent but wouldn't suck away all of my time, so I got a job in a primary school, where I worked with a little girl with autism. Although it was nothing like being an artist, it was a very creative environment in which to work, especially as she was such a visual learner. She loved the fact that I could draw, so I drew dozens of pictures of rabbits, tortoises and lions in her Maths book to help her learn mathematical concepts.

Unfortunately, that was the only real chance I had to be creative, as by the time I finished work in the evenings I was so exhausted, physically and emotionally, that the last thing I wanted to do was force myself to sit and draw. It's impossible to make art when you're unmotivated, and unfortunately, for a lot of the first couple of years in London I was very unmotivated. I was no longer at art school, I didn't go to a lot of shows, and none of the people in my immediate social circle were creative, so I felt as though I had completely lost the support network that I relied on at university.

After being in London for a while, a couple of friends from uni who were also living in London decided we should meet up and do some art together. We took turns to host, and as we often met in the mornings, gave our little meetings the name "Breakfast Club".

I loved Breakfast Club, it was the best thing for me at that time - it gave me the opportunity to discuss work with and get advice from people whose opinions I trusted and respected, as well as giving me motivation to make new work, and of course was a chance to see my good friends. There weren't enough Breakfast Club meetings as far as I was concerned, as we all had other commitments, plus I was now working full time so my mornings were not often free to sit about drinking tea and carving lino blocks. It was a real shame, but eventually Breakfast Club just kind of dissolved.

...that is, until last week!

JK was over from the US, where he moved after he married his Californian girlfriend, and was determined that a Breakfast Club reunion took place. It was great to see them again, and although we didn't actually get any art done, we had a great chance to catch up and chat and see how everyone else was doing. Nothing much had changed with me except I'd moved to a bigger flat, got a kitten and now had a proper studio space in which to work! Likewise, things were very similar with the other club members - still working and making art in their free time, though they were also getting commissions and having work in shows. Seeing them again made me realise just how much I love doing this arty stuff, and how much I miss it. Even if I don't get many commissions, and don't have my work in many shows, I am and always will be an artist, and I should never forget it.

Just in case you were wondering, here's some info about my fellow Club members' work...

James has a website and an Etsy shop where he sells cards, prints and postcards of his beautiful watercolour illustrations. He is awesome.

House With Turret Pink House Blue House Fire House
by James Keniston

Lisa has a lovely website and creates the most deliciously sumptuous paintings. She is awesome too.

Cat Looking Up by Lisa Freeman

Now I've just gotta get some of my own work up here... soon, I promise!

will and kate bunnies

I woke this morning to sun streaming through my studio windows, my cat purring loudly on top of me and the sound of birdsong filling the air. What a perfect way to wake up!

I made myself a lovely cup of Earl Grey and, taking advantage of the perfect light, I decided to do some painting. I haven't done any watercolour painting for ages, but my attempts at using other media when colouring my Will and Kate animals were all disappointing failures: the pencils were too uneven, the watercolour pencils ended up far too dark, using markers made the picture too blocky and bland-looking (though that was my fault, rather than the pens. I have never been very good with markers. I should probably get a book about using them or something).

Watercolour was my last option...

I think a well-used watercolour palette is one of the most beautiful things in the world

Will and Kate as bunnies!

I like the subtlety of the colours - I know in their official engagement pics they were both wearing very bold colours, but I don't think my style of illustration suits bold colours very well. What are your opinions?

After finishing the painting, I thought I had better add a bit of bling for Kate's ring. Good ol' glitter!

Off it will go tomorrow morning in the post to my friend Georgia, as I won't be seeing her until after the Royal Wedding - I hope she likes it!

I'm quite tempted to put prints of the illustration in my shop - she and I can't be the only people who would want a picture of Will and Kate as bunnies, right??

reflecting on the past

It was lovely to see my parents last weekend, it seems like I only see them a couple of times a year, which is just crazy. Yes, they do live far away, but I don't think that's much of an excuse really, is it?

One thing that happens every time I visit my family is they find yet more belongings of mine, tucked away in the garage, or under a pile of books or something. I moved away from home 10 years ago, and they have moved house twice since then, so how I still have "stuff" there seems ludicrous. Their new house is a little smaller than their last one, since two of the three children have left home now, and they really don't have any spare room for my sentimental "stuff" any more. How nice it was to be met at the door with boxes and boxes of this "stuff" to take home with me. I dutifully packed it all up and brought it back to London with me. Here it is, the last few remains of Vixie Stuff from my parents' house. Doesn't look all that scary, right?

Taking a closer look, it's no surprise that I left these few boxes until last - they are full to the brim of old stuff from my university years: a huge conceptual poetry installation piece I made in my first year of uni (which brings back some painful memories) and lots of pieces made based around the idea of being lost (something I really suffered from while at university). Seeing it all piled up, and having it intruding in my nice, pretty, (supposedly) calm studio has made me feel slightly ill at ease. I'm not sure what to do with it all. The boxes are full of memories from another time in my life, and of course they, and the ideas behind them, are important otherwise I wouldn't have made them into physical permanent reminders.

And they aren't necessarily good reminders. I had a hard time at uni, and that came through in the art that I made over the three years I was there, so surely that stuff is better kept in boxes, hidden away, forgotten about? But at the same time, it was that hard time, that struggle, and that perseverance I found to "get through it" that has made me who I am today. I can't say I'm completely happy with myself, but I feel I am a lot better now than I was then, in a lot of ways. I have to admit, I don't want the constant reminder of a difficult and sometimes very unhappy part of my life being in my nice new studio, a new place for me to work, a new place for me to have ambition and dreams, and a new place for me to do what I want with my life, on my terms. I will (thankfully) never be the artist I thought I so desperately wanted to be while at university: I'm not pretentious, I'm not arrogant, I'm not fake, I suck at lying and I can't play along with stuff I don't believe in just to get a good review or a foot in the door. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying all artists are like that, I know a great deal who aren't at all, but that was what I thought I had to do to "fit in". It seems "fitting in" isn't something I am terribly good at, and that's probably largely a subconscious thing - why fit in when you can be unique and do things your own way? I did do a lot of stuff my own way towards the end of my degree, and for part of it I was very successful - I had solo shows of my work in galleries, I had galleries contacting me to show my work, instead of me having to write pleading letters to beg for a small bit of wall space, like I did in my first year at university, and I made a lot of sales. None of this, however, was the work I wanted to be known for - I did a great deal of projects at uni, over a range of topics, some difficult and some more light-hearted (I needed something to drag myself out of the pit of depression, after all) and it was the latter that I became known for, not the conceptual poetry concerning the heartbreak of lost love, not the projects involving keys and maps with hidden emotional depths, nope. It was the prints I made of puns, silly illustrations that I had scribbled on the back of a napkin after mishearing someone else's conversation, punchlines of jokes. Ironic really, isn't it? The one thing I did in order to force myself to focus on something positive and a little flippant, and that's the work that people at uni associate with me.

So, back to the task at hand. What of these boxes? Should they be kept hidden away at the back of my studio, their secrets held out of the sight of others? Should they be discarded, as they bring back only bad memories? Should the past be kept in the past? Or should I face the horrors that may lurk within? It's a toughie.